


things we said

by randomprose



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, ask thing on twtitter, bokuaka on chapter 9, kagetsuki broship, other ships to be added later as i finish all the asks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-04-12 06:50:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19126810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomprose/pseuds/randomprose
Summary: an ask thing i did on twitter. i'm posting the long version of the mini fics here. mostly kurotsuki but other pairings will be added later.





	1. things you said when you thought i was asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're so damn lucky you're so cute."

It's like this: Kei is in Tokyo for the weekend to scout potential colleges and Tetsurou, being a helpful senior and friend, graciously offered to host him throughout his stay.

They went to Tetsurou's uni first to see if Kei likes the vibe (and Tetsurou may or may not be keeping his hopes up that Kei would like it and chose to enroll there) before going to other schools. They even met with their friends-- Bokuto and Akaashi, Kenma and the rest of Nekoma VBC, Daichi and Sugawara and some of the other alumni of the Miyagi high school volleyball circuit.

It was all well and good until nighttime came and they had to go back to Tetsurou's place and figure out sleeping arrangements.

He was all grand about offering to host Kei, but Tetsurou's cramped college dorm room only has a twin-sized bed. He doesn't own a futon or a couch and he doesn't want to sleep on the floor, but he'd be damned if he's going to let Kei sleep on the floor either. 

So they share the bed, no big deal. It's barely enough to fit two tall teenage boys, but they managed. Kei takes the side of the wall and Tetsurou the one on the edge of the bed. They said their good nights and their situation worked fairly well until Tetsurou woke up shivering in the middle of the night.

It's the fall and it's starting to get a little chilly even when the sun is still out and at night the nearing winter is starting to be felt. Tetsurou isn't much for blankets, his body runs hot, but he's more comfortable sleeping with something covering him. He's only got two blankets, one for light weather and a thick comforter for the winters. It's too early to break out the comforter and it's not that cold for that anyway, so they decided to use just the one light blanket.

As it turns out, Kei is a massive blanket hogger.

Tetsurou wakes up curled up on himself because of the cold. He finds Kei in an almost blanket burrito and feels a sudden surge of irritation. He tugs at the cover, lightly at first, but with each tug, Kei just clings on to it tighter, pulling more of it towards him. He tries to tug on it again, unravel Kei from the cocoon of the blanket he's slowly making for himself, but to no avail. He lets out a not so quiet growl.

The growl and the constant shifting beside him wakes Kei up, but before he could react (it's still dark so he figures it must be just around two or three in the morning what the fuck is Kuroo's problem) he feels Tetsurou turning on his side and feels arms and a leg wrap around him. He hears Tetsurou grumbling about having to sleep without a blanket in his own damn home and 'damn blanket hoggers.' He was about to turn around himself when Tetsurou's next words halt him.

"You're so damn lucky you're so cute."

Needless to say, Kei found it hard to go back to sleep.

(He eventually does, though. It's hard not to when he's wrapped around the soft blanket, the warm, comfortable weight of Tetsurou's limbs on him, and his soft breathing slowly but surely lulling him back to sleep.)

 

* * *

 

  
Tetsurou has always been an early riser regardless if he's had a good sleep or not. So the next morning, he is up first and Kei wakes up to the sight of him shirtless and towel drying his hair.

Tetsurou greets him a good morning and a teasing "Did you have a nice sleep?"

See, while Tetsurou is clearly a morning person, Kei is not and really is quite the opposite, and so, he just laid there, unfocused eyes fixated on Tetsurou's upper body, still a little wet from the shower he just took. Kei blinks and half thinking he's still asleep and half mindlessly thinking to be assaulted by such a view this early in the morning has to be some sort of foul play.

Tetsurou snaps his fingers in front of him and Kei startles.

"Hey, Tsukki? Are you still asleep?"

Kei wavers before blinking and dragging his eyes up to meet Tetsurou's eyes.

"What?"

"I said good morning and if you had a nice sleep."

Boy did he ever. Good morning indeed.

At any given time, Kei will probably be ashamed of his line of thought, but it's morning and the sight of Tetsurou looking like, well, that, in the early morning is enough to make any one falter.

"Uh, erm, good morning to you, too," he stutters as he reaches for his glasses. It's unbelievable how he's been able to clearly see Tetsurou without them. A miracle, really. "I did sleep well, thanks."

"Uh-huh. I bet you did. All warm and toasty while I shivered to death through the night, blanket hogger."

"Oh. Did I--?"

"Yep."

"Oh, err, sorry...about that." Kei makes a mental note to bring his own blanket next time.

He paused. Next time?

But before he can ruminate on that, Tetsurou speaks up again.

"Eh, it's fine. I slept okay anyway. Found a way to stay warm?"

Kei sends him a questioning look but Tetsurou just waves him away.

"Take a shower and then let's go get breakfast before heading to the station. How do you feel about waffles? 'Coz I know a great place just outside the campus."

They have breakfast at this hole in the wall cafe a couple of blocks outside Tetsurou's dorm. Kei is assaulted by the warm atmosphere inside and the smell of something being baked mixed with hot cocoa. Tetsurou seems to bein friendly terms with the staff and when the owners of the place came around, an old couple who radiates warm loving grandparents vibe, they greet Tetsurou like he's their own.

They eat their meal in light conversation and finish just in time for Kei to catch his train back to Miyagi.

"I really liked the place and the food was great." Kei says as they make their way to the station.

"Right?"

"And they're really nice, the owners."

"Yeah." Tetsurou smiles. "They remind me of my own grandparents. You know, I think they'd like you too."

Tetsurou said it with the fondest tone Kei has ever heard him say and needless to say he finds it extremely endearing.

It's still a little early so they sit in a bench in Kei's platform, sipping their take out coffees in silent. By now, Kei is still debating whether he dreamt what Tetsurou said last night and if he didn't, what the hell did he mean by them?

A voice from the PA system announced the arrival of the train to Miyagi and Kei is still not sure what to make of them.

Maybe he's just over thinking things? Maybe it was just Tetsurou's frustrations over Kei's blanket hogging tendencies. Hell, maybe it didn't even happen at all and Kei really did just dreamt it.

The PA announced that the doors will close in five minutes and Tetsurou nudges him out of his thoughts. He picks up his bag and throws his empty cup on a bin on the way to the train.

Still, maybe Tetsurou did say them and he meant it as they were, that he thinks Kei is cute.

Kei could practically feel his cheeks and ears warming up at the thought.

"Well, it's been nice having you around, Tsukki." Tetsurou says just as Kei is within the train's doors. "Come visit me again won't ya?"

"I came here to scout out possible universities, Kuroo-san."

"Eh. Semantics." Tetsurou grins. "Call me up when you're in Tokyo again, okay?"

"I have a feeling you'll know when and if I'm in Tokyo even when I don't tell you."

"Correct. I have my ways so just make it easier for the both of us and just call me okay? You're always welcome to crash in my cramped up dorm and single blanket bed--even if you do hog all the blankets."

Tetsurou's grin is infectious and Kei couldn't help but laugh a little.

"I'll bring my own next time then."

The PA announces that the doors are closing and Kei steps into the train. He calls out to Tetsurou just as the red lights on the doors blink.

"Kuroo-san," he pauses, contemplates his next words. "I think you're really cute too."

And then the doors shut and the last thing Kei sees as the train moves away is Tetsurou's agape mouth, wide eyes, and red face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. i'm trying to get back into writing. if you like this check out my other stuff in my pages. :)
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](http://tsukishima-kuns.tumblr.com)  
> [anime Twitter](https://twitter.com/proserandom)
> 
>  
> 
> i'm also kpop trash lol  
> [BTS sideblog](http://yoonigii.tumblr.com)  
> [BTS Twitter](https://twitter.com/yoonigii)


	2. things you said at 1am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We should date."

“We should date.”

In the silence of Tetsurou’s college dorm room, in the dead of the early morning, the three words sounded like one of his grandma’s finest china hitting the wooden floors.

“What?” Tetsurou whispers, not quite sure if he’s heard it right.

“You heard me.” Kei parries back beside him, tone just a little too flat Tetsurou doesn't know what to make of it. “Let’s date.”

Tetsurou slowly shifts on the twin size bed to face Kei. Beside him, he is lying down on his back, ramrod straight with his hands crossed on top of the covers. He looks like he’s lying in a coffin and if Tetsurou didn’t squint in the dark to see that he still has his eyes open blinking at the ceiling he’d think he’s dead.

“Are you—“ Tetsurou makes a face “Are you lucid dreaming right now?”

Kei turns his head lightly to where Tetsurou is staring at him and shoots him a look. Tetsurou scoffs out a laugh at it before lying back down. Kei shifts to his side, drapes an arm across him and fits his face against the crook of his neck. Tetsurou's breath hitches before slowly exhales and swallows.

Kei is in his final year of high school. Over the years, he's gotten more comfortable with himself, bolder in the way he carries himself, and Tetsurou still has moments when Kei's got him reeling with the way he expresses his affection.

It's not that he hates it, hell, he basks in it considering its rarity. Kei is not iffy about physical touch, but it doesn't come as often - at least, not often enough for Tetsurou to get used to them. 

See, the feelings are there. Reciprocity is not an issue. The problem is, they're not exactly spoken--yet. It's a known fact to everyone and their mothers that Kei and Tetsurou are in some kind of...understanding. They also know that they drive everyone insane with the way they dance around each other and is very aware that there is a betting pool going on. Sometimes Tetsurou thinks Kei deliberately makes it harder just to fuck with all of them.

And yet, why they still aren't officially together remains a mystery even to themselves. Is it the distance? Well, Kei is going to uni in Tokyo next year. Is it because of the stigma? Same-sex relationship still is a touchy subject in general, despite the emergence of a more open society. Is it because they're not ready to be in a relationship? It's just dating though, they're not gonna get married. Is it something else? 

Sometimes Tetsurou thinks maybe it's because they're so particular about it. Well, at least he is. He's always finding the perfect timing, the perfect words, the perfect setting until what truly matters is lost in the haze of wanting everything to be perfect. He guesses, Kei finally cracked.

But did it have to be just when he was about to fall asleep and at such an ungodly hour when Testurou isn't even sure if Kei is awake and in control of his consciousness, let alone his mouth?

"Hey," Kei nudges him out of his thoughts. "Hey, Kuroo-san, let's date."

His tone is petulant and is followed by a yawn. Tetsurou just huffs out a laugh and turns to face him, drapes an arm across Kei's waist and pulls him close.

"What am I going to do with you?" Tetsurou says fondly as he looks at Ke's half lidded eyes heavy with sleep. "Tell you what. Sleep it off and tomorrow, if you still feel the same, hell, if you even remember this, I'd consider. Okay?"

Kei yawns again, shifts to press himself closer to Tetsurou.

"Okay."

Tetsurou smiles, rests his head on top of Kei's and sleeps with a hopeful heart.

 

* * *

  
The next morning, over breakfast of nearly burnt toast, cereals with not enough milk, and coffee, Kei stops munching on his toast and goes, "So?"

Tetsurou stops halfway of shoving a spoonful of cornflakes in his mouth.

"So, what?"

"You didn't answer me last night."

Tetsurou chews contemplatively. "About what?"

Kei puts down his toast with a sigh. He's leaning on the sink that doubles as the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks Tetsurou dead in the eyes with a straight face even if the latter's cheeks are puffed up with all the cereals he's shoved in his mouth hastily.

“I said we should should date and you said if I still feel the same the next morning you’d consider." Kei watches as Tetsurou swallows with some difficulty and chokes a little but he only continues. "Well, I still feel the same and I still think we should date. I just want to know if you’re in or not.”

“Quite talkative today aren’t you, Tsukki?” Tetsurou said after gulping down his coffee to pushed down the cornflakes lodged in his throat. "Bolder too. What did you put in your coffee?"

“Look, Kuroo-san. If you don’t want to just say so. Quit—“

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to." Tetsurou stands up from his sit and goes to Kei, trapping him between him and the ciunter and reaching out tp uncross the younger's arms holding them in place beside him. "You haven’t even given me a chance to give an answer.” He finds Kei’s impatience refreshing. He’s normally the type to wait things out. Good to know he still has this young, brash side in him. “First of all, if we’re gonna date, you have to stop calling me Kuroo-san.”

“What do I call you then?”

“Tetsurou is fine or whatever. I’m sure you can think of something.”

“Okay, Whatever.”

Tetsurou clicks his tongue in mock annoyance at the quip. “Second, you have to stop being a little shit to me.”

“No promises.”

He opens his mouth to say something again but Kei cuts him off.

“Ugh, so many conditions. Just say you don’t want to date me and go.” Kei whines but he is smiling as he grasps at the sides of Tetsurou's sleeping shirt.

Tetsurou moves his hands from Kei's arms to his waist. “If you would just let me finish I was going to ask you if you wanna be boyfriends.”

“I already asked you first but fine you don’t have to beg." Kei shrugs, tugging Tetsurou closer. "I’ll date you, Whatever.”

“What did I just say about being a little shit?”

“And I said no promises didn’t I?”

Tetsurou opens his mouth to protest but Kei is quick to close the remaining distance between them and shuts him up with a kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://tsukishima-kuns.tumblr.com)   
>  [anime Twitter](https://twitter.com/proserandom)
> 
> kpop accounts yo  
> [BTS sideblog](http://yoonigii.tumblr.com)  
> [BTS Twitter](https://twitter.com/yoonigii)


	3. things you said through your teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You were right."

Contrary to what people might believe, Kei doesn't actually hate a lot of things. To Kei, the list goes like this:

1\. Slow walkers  
2\. People who stand on the walk part of the elevator  
3\. Meetings that could have been an email instead  
4\. Loud typers 

And lastly, and perhaps the thing he hates most:

5\. Admitting he is wrong (especially to Tetsurou)

It's not because Tetsurou is a lousy winner (or whenever he proves he’s right). On the contrary, he doesn't even so much as send a smug glance. He just bows gracefully, acknowledges it once, and never speaks about it again.

The problem is that Kei is the sore loser. Normally, he wouldn't even acknowledge this, wouldn't even speak of it, but Tetsurou is looking very worried at his injured knee--and he looks like he's even turning a little green. He would be too if the anesthetic haven't kicked in almost half an hour ago.

Kei sighs, rolling his eyes so far back he's given himself a headache, and wrenched the words he dreaded to say through gritted teeth.

"You were right."

Tetsurou snaps out of chewing his thumbnail to hell at Kei's words.

"What?"

"I said," Kei clicks his tongue, shifts on his perch on the cold examining table on the university's clinic. "You were right."

Tetsurou looks disoriented at first and Kei sees the moment it dawns on him what he's talking about.

"Oh? Right about what exactly? I'm not sure what you're talking about seeing as I'm right about everything most of the time."

Kei rolls his eyes. So much for not being a lousy winner.

"When you said I should wait out and not jump all at once at the last block." To be clear, he's only saying this again because it's a perfect distraction for Tetsurou to not worry about his injury. "You were right."

Tetsurou smirks, crosses his arms and leans back on the only monoblock chair in the room.

"And how did that taste coming out of your mouth?"

Kei sends him deadpanned look. Slightly contemplating kicking him with his good leg.

"Like the soup you made last Thursday for dinner."

Tetsurou laughs and Kei smiles despite his damaged pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me yo i'm nice
> 
> [Tumblr](http://tsukishima-kuns.tumblr.com)   
>  [anime Twitter](https://twitter.com/proserandom)
> 
> i'm also kpop trash lol  
> [BTS sideblog](http://yoonigii.tumblr.com)  
> [BTS Twitter](https://twitter.com/yoonigii)


	4. things you said when i was crying [kei]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You had an ugly day and I just wanna tell you, you look beautiful anyway.”

It was stupid, is what he said, it was really fucking stupid and he should’ve gotten over it by now because it’s done and he should stop being such a fucking baby about it.

Instead here he is crying over getting yelled at work by his shitty boss that frankly shouldn’t even be a big deal because it’s all part of the job and it wasn’t even that major like the fucking bitch baby he really is.

He’s sniffling and his eyes hurt and his throat hurt from holding back sobs because he doesn’t want Tetsurou to hear him from the living room because then he’d be worried and Kei really doesn’t want to explain why he’s being such a baby over something as silly as getting yelled at work. He’s a fucking adult, goddammit!

“If you bite your lip any harder you’re gonna bleed.”

Kei inhales sharply and in his shock, he makes the mistake of looking up. Tetsurou is leaning by the threshold of the kitchen, arms crossed, and a soft smile on his face. His face changes when he sees Kei’s face and Kei quickly looks down to the onions he’s chopping. His alibi.

“Hey. Hey, why are you crying?”

He brings down the knife hard as he sniffles, putting the chopped onions aside and starting on a new one. 

“It’s nothing. It’s the onions. The smell is getting to my eyes.”

Kei’s voice breaks down the last syllable and into a sob. Tetsurou is beside him in a flash, taking the knife from his hand and placing it gently aside.

“Don’t even try. You never cry when you’re cutting onions. You eat that shit raw,” Tetsurou says as he cups Kei’s face with both hands. He thumbs away Kei’s tears and Kei lets himself lean to his touch. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid. Let’s just forget—”

“Kei.”

Kei lets out a sigh, surging forward to lean his whole weight against Tetsurou. He turns to hide his face on the crook of his neck. Tetsurou snakes his hands on his waist and pulls him against him, he inhales. Tetsurou still smells like his office.

“Got yelled at at work today.” He mumbles against the skin of Tetsurou’s neck. “It wasn’t a big deal. I’m just being a little bitch about it.”

“Oh, Kei.” Tetsurou sighs. “If you’re this worked up about it then it’s not nothing.”

“No, no. It really is. It’s just—” Kei takes a deep breath “Everything has just been piling up lately and I guess that was just the last straw. It’s fine. I’m fine. I’ve let it all out now.”

“If you say so, moonshine.”

They stay like that for a while. Kei clinging and leaning on Tetsurou and Tetsurou holding him up, lightly swaying them in place and humming a little tune. The vibrations from his chest helps calm down Kei further.

He remembers he still has to make dinner and so Kei lightly pushes himself, leans up for quick peck and a quiet whisper of ‘thanks’ against Tetsurou’s lips, but then he sees the look on his face.

“What’s with that look?” Kei asks

“You know you’re really pretty when you cry?” Tetsurou says, a fond smile on his face. “I really hate seeing you cry but I also find your crying face really cute. It’s a real struggle.”

“What’s the point of this conversation?”

“Nothing." Kuroo gently brushes Kei's bangs to the side with his fingers, fond smile never leaving his face. "You had an ugly day and I just wanna tell you, you look beautiful anyway.”

"You're so fucking cheesy."

Kei laughs and surges in for another kiss. Tetsurou considers that a win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was the last line cheesy or what???? come scream at me about it
> 
> [Tumblr](http://tsukishima-kuns.tumblr.com)   
>  [anime Twitter](https://twitter.com/proserandom)
> 
> [BTS sideblog](http://yoonigii.tumblr.com)   
>  [BTS Twitter](https://twitter.com/yoonigii)


	5. things you said when it was over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought--I thought we could make it."

It wasn't like it was a sudden thing. Things have been building up for a while now. It started off with petty fights here and there--unintentionally taking their frustrations on each other on their bad days, rarely being around when the other needs them, quick mornings not enough to wish the other a good day, long nights out, and shorter moments together--until things come to a head one night when they were having a shouting match in the middle of dinner. 

A moment of clarity comes up in the aftermath and Tetsurou and Kei realized they wanted different things, have different priorities, and being in a relationship is just not in that list right now.

Kei is heavily frustrated with having to juggle the stress of grad school and a work he hates but one that pays the bills; and Tetsurou is weighed down by his own issues and expectations on himself and the responsibility of taking care of an ailing father with Alzheimer's.

The break-up was brutal. Tetsurou watched Kei cry for the first time in a long while and he'd be lying if he said it didn't make him want to undo the break-up and just try again.

But he doesn't because he knows it's for the best. It's for their own good. There is a lot of room for self-improvement and growing up even now as adults. Tetsurou doesn't know why they couldn't just do it as they are now, grow up. Maybe it's the desperate need to cling on to more carefree times, of their youth, and a time where everything is a lot easier when they were just having fun and seizing the moment. Tetsurou doesn't know, but it sucks that they can't do that when they're together.

There was a brief discussion on who gets to keep the apartment and a brief argument about who gets to keep certain things. In the end, Tetsurou decided moving back to his childhood home was best so he can keep an eye on his dad. Kei got the apartment and Tetsurou got to have the TV and the couch. Kei helped Tetsurou pack and drove him to his father's house across the other side of town.

There were no parting words. As soon as they finished unloading Kei's car of Tetsurou's stuff, Tetsurou leaned to kiss Kei on the forehead as thanks--for helping him move out or for everything else, Kei didn't know and he didn't ask. He just drove away without looking back and didn't allow himself to cry until he's closed the door of the apartment they used to share.

They used to always plan on getting a bigger apartment because this one feels too cramped, but now, in the wake of the fallout, it feels empty and all too big for just one.

Kei decides he'll just have to live with it from now on.

After all, what was the saying? 'All good things come to an end'?

It comes as a shock to their friends and for months they've had to endure their commiseration. It was awkward to say the least that they ultimately took it upon themselves to avoid the other on social gatherings, just to spare everyone the painful experience and having to walk on eggshells around them. If one heard wind that the other is going, he decides not to go.

And when it was all said and done, after months of sleepless nights and having to unlearn all the little habits developed for knowing and being with each other for as long as they have, this is what they've become. Almost a decade of being friends, three years as a couple, and they've reached the end of the line.

Was Tetsurou the love of his life? Kei doesn't know, but did he love him? Fiercely so; and should there ever be a discussion of who is 'the one', Tetsurou quite possibly might be the closest thing for Kei.

That was over three months ago, but tonight is Koutarou's birthday and neither of them couldn't not come, lest Koutarou throws a massive fit and Keiji have their heads for ruining the party he's planned for weeks.

Naturally, they spend the whole night avoiding each other like the plague.

That is, until the end of the night and everyone has cleared out and gone home. Keiji carts a shitfaced Koutarou home and somehow, Tetsurou and Kei were the only ones left

It's the early hours of the morning and Kei didn't bring his car. Tetsurou offers him a ride very insistently and in a very Tetsurou manner does not take no for an answer.

And Kei...well. He's never been good at denying Tetsurou anything. It's a habit he has yet to unlearn it seems.

The drive was silent and stiff and now they're sitting in Tetsurou's beaten up Honda in front of their old building fighting for the right words to say for a talk that's long overdue.

Unsurprisingly, it is Tetsurou who speaks first. He's never been good with the silence. 

"I thought--" He exhales. "I thought maybe we could make it, you know?"

A pause. Kei sucks in a breath. 

"Yeah," he swallows hard. "Yeah, I thought so too."

"You think--you think maybe we can still be friends?"

Tetsurou's tone is hopeful. He is always so hopeful

"I don't think so." Kei immediately regrets his words. He's not sure he means them. "Or I don't know. Maybe. But just--" He bites his lip. "Not right now."

"Right." Tetsurou hums. "Right. Of course."

What was he even thinking, asking if they can be friends? Of course not. Not right now when everything is still so fresh. God. What an idiot. What was he thinking? They're both too sober for this conversation.

Kei leans over the console and Tetsurou closes his eyes as familiar lips touch his cheek, desperately holding himself back from turning his head just an inch just so he could feel them on his lips instead. Kei is all sharp edges and he is callous and cutting when he wants to, but he always kisses Tetsurou so gently. It's so tender it hurts.

"Good bye. I'll see you around Tet--Kuroo-san."

Kei quickly unbuckles his seat belt and is out the car before Tetsurou could even process his words. He watches him enter their old building, waits until he sees the light turn on in the window of their old apartment, before driving off.

From 'Kuroo-san' to just 'Kuroo' to 'Tetsurou' to 'Tetsu' and now he's back to just being 'Kuroo-san. They've really come full circle.

So this is how Kei and Tetsurou finally and truly end.

Still, to Tetsurou, Kei will always have a special place in his heart. Perhaps the biggest part of his heart will always belong to Kei until he lets go of them piece by piece and unlearns to unlove him bit by bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah. yeah, i,,,i did that. worry not though!!! there are a more chapters to come!!
> 
> did i piece together the asks so they seem to run in a timeline? idk lol  
> [Tumblr](http://tsukishima-kuns.tumblr.com)  
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> 
> [BTS sideblog](http://yoonigii.tumblr.com)   
>  [BTS Twitter](https://twitter.com/yoonigii)


	6. things you said when we were on top of the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But do you think, if you and Hinata never--do you think we--"
> 
> "I think we wouldn't, even if Shouyou and I never got our shit together. You wanna know why?" Kei is silent and Tobio takes it as his cue to continue. "Because you and Kuroo-san will still inevitably be."

"Hey."

Kei straightens up when he hears a familiar voice. He's leaning back on a lounge chair outside of a cafe when Tobio strides up. 

"You smoke now?" Tobio asks. "Again?"

Kei waves him off. He takes one last drag before putting out his stick in the provided ash tray and languidly standing from his seat. "It's a recurring habit." Tobio doesn't say anything but Kei feels his weighted stare.

"So? Where to?"

"The usual I guess. Is the place near Coach Ukai's store still in business?"

"I don't know." Kei shrugs as they make their way towards the restaurant. "Haven't been here in a while."

"Yeah? Why is that?" 

"Work. Grad school. I've been busy."

"What made you come back here then?" Tobio probes. His tone is innocent, just light enough for casual conversation, but Kei has a feeling it's more than that.

"Nothing. Just because." Kei sighs. "Change of scenery, I suppose."

"Ah."

Turns out the restaurant is still open. The owners, an old couple well in their 70s, recognized them from when they used to always go there to eat after official matches. They greet them and thanked them for always taking care of them and their juniors in the years after they've graduated. They do a little catching up, Kei and Tobio giving them brief accounts of what they're doing now. Predictably, there came the adoring praises, but especially for Tobio who is on the National team. Kei doesn't mind, especially when they get an extra serving of sashimi.

Tobio is currently off season because of a minor injury. It's not that bad and he just needs a little rest and it's why he decided to come home to Miyagi. He says he wouldn't be able to stop himself from going to training and sneaking off plays here and there. He knows himself well enough to know he wouldn't control himself, especially not when Shouyou is on the playing roster this year.

Kei asks about him, Shoyou, training, playing at Nationals. He hasn't been keeping up with the games lately.

Tobio answers in his usual Tobio-way--straight to the point and with little to no fanfare. He is sparing with the details but it's fine with Kei. Neither of them has ever been much for chatter anyway. The animosity between them in their younger years have long subsided. Now, they keep the antagonism and snark on the down low.

The dinner went on fine with casual conversation and the usual catching up. Tobio doesn't bring up what they both know he already knows and Kei is grateful. 

They go for drinks after at Ryuunosuke's family's bar. Their former senior and his sister now co-manage a branch in Tokyo while their parents manage the one in Miyagi. The bar closes early because it's a weekday, but Tanaka-san gives them a bottle each free of charge on the go.

On a whim, they decided to go back to their old high school. Tobio, for some reason, still has a key to the gym from when they were on the team. 

"Didn't we have to surrender our keys when we graduated?"

Kageyama just shrugs. "Well, I kept mine." He brought it along just because and just to see if it'll still work.

"Hinata was such a bad influence on you."

"What makes you think I'm not the bad influence?" Kageyama asks, an eyebrow raised in amusement. "You're such a square, Tsukishima."

"Shut up, asshole."

Tobio tries his key and lets out a snicker when he hears the door click unlock. Kei doesn't know whether to be amazed or disappointed that the school has never changed the locks. 

So, they enter and within seconds, Tobio has a ball in his hand and has found the net. They put it up and Tobio goes into position to toss and Kei to spike. They switch to spiking, receives, and blocking and Kei is suddenly reminded of how good the burning in his palm feels after a strong spike and remembers the exhilarating rush of shutting down a powerful spike. 

After they've exhausted themselves and are sweating through their shirts, Kei and Tobio slumped on the floor, leaning heavily against the walls as they catch their breathes and wipe off their sweat with the edge of their shirts, and that too feels familiar. They reminisced about their days as members of Karasuno's volleyball team, the matches they played, their opponents, the feeling of playing for Nationals, and the feeling of loss and their wins.

"I never told you this, Tsukishima, but, fuck. That block when we played Kanazawa in our third year? Was your best one after that block against Ushijima."

"I never needed your validation, but it's about goddamn time you acknowledge that that block was sick."

They spend some more time reliving their glory days as Miyagi's top volleyball team and laughed about some of the shenanigans they did during their younger years until they've had to catch their breath from laughing too hard. They sit in silence for a while, slowly sipping at their sakes. 

It must be the residue of adrenaline rush from the nostalgic thrill of playing after years of not even holding a volleyball  mixed with the alcohol that made Kei decided to speak again.

"Kuroo and I broke up." He says, tone casual. How strange, Kei muses, to use 'Kuroo' instead of 'Tetsurou' or 'Tetsu'. "Although, I guess you already know that."

"Yeah, I heard." Tobio takes a slow sip. "It's hard not to when we all know each other. Also, Shouyou told me."

Kei scoffs out a laugh. This is what he gets for dating within their circle. He's not naive. He knows they talk about them in private and knows how they make an effort to be considerate in inviting either him or Tetsurou whenevert they meet up. It's why he made it a point to not go when he knows Tetsurou is coming.

He's a little more than just tipsy now and he knows Tobio probably is too. He's never been good with holding his alcohol, that was more of Shouyou's forte. 

"Hey. Remember when we used to--back in second year when you and--when you and Hinata still hasn't gotten your--your shit together?" 

"God, Tsukishima, don't remind me."

"No. No, I know. Worst two months of my life I'll never get back."

"You're telling me."

"But do you think, if you and Hinata never--do you think we--"

Kageyama cuts him off.

"I think we wouldn't, even if Shouyou and I never got our shit together." He swivels his sake bottle a little. "You wanna know why?"

Kei is silent and Tobio takes it as his cue to continue.

"Because you and Kuroo-san will still inevitably be." He takes another slow sip of his drink. "That first summer training camp in Tokyo, when he of all people managed to knock some sense into you and actually made you think seriously about volleyball? Everybody and their coaches knew you two were going to get with. One way or another. Eventually."

"And look how that turned out." Kei scoffs, tone wry.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that by the way. You two were--yeah."

Great? Highly compatible? Perfect for each other in every sense of the word? The last people on earth they thought would ever break up?

"Tell me about it."

Kei closed his eyes and leans his head back against the wall. Tobio doesn't comment on the soft sob he lets out and the quiet tears that managed to spill from the corners of his eyes. He just clinks his bottle to his for a commiserating toast and for that Kei is grateful too.

"You'll be alright, Tsukishima. It might take some time and it might be messy, but you'll be alright. I know you will."

Kei just nods and drinks to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i cheated and this turned out to still be kurotsuki even when the request was kagetsuki ;__;i owe y'all kagetsuki shippers a real fic with them as the main pair. come scream about it to me  
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	7. things you said with too many miles between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I miss home and you…you sound like home.”

On Kei’s lunch break on a Wednesday he gets a call that disrupted an otherwise routinary day  
  
Kei looks at the caller ID and recognizes a number he’s memorized by heart.   
  
It rings for the third time, he thinks of ending the call. It rings for the fourth, fifth time and he thinks twice.   
  
He knows he shouldn’t answer it, knows he’s only gonna pick at old wounds, but it’s Tetsurou and he’s always been the logical flaw to everything Kei does.  
  
Kei picks up at the seventh ring and breathes before speaking.  
  
“Hello? Kuroo-san?”   
  
He lets out a low exhale and gives himself a pat in the back for not stuttering and slipping on the name.  
  
“Oh.” Tetsurou’s tone is surprised at the other end. “Oh, Ke--I mean, Tsukishima. Hi. Hello. I...didn't think you would answer."  
  
Kei thought not to, for a moment, but hearing Tetsurou’s voice is always a pleasant thing. He’s glad he did.  
  
“Well, I—“  
  
“I was just about to hang up when you—I thought…you’d erase my number.”  
  
“I could say the same to you.”  
  
“Yeah, well,” Tetsurou sighs heavily on the other line creating static. “Yeah, well, I did, but…I have it memorized.”  
  
Kei knows he shouldn’t have felt good hearing that, but he did.  
  
“Why did you call? Isn’t it late there?”  
  
“Keeping tabs are we?”  
  
He rolls his eyes. Even when he’s not around Tetsurou never fails to be annoying.  
  
Kei knows he’s in America for a business trip. Not that he keeps tab on Tetsurou, it’s just their friends, Koutaru and Keiji especially, like to talk about him—and by talk, he means updating him of Tetsurou’s where and what abouts under the guise of ‘casually’ mentioning him in conversation.  
  
“No. I just heard from Koutarou and Keiji.”  
  
Tetsurou hums. “Sure, Kei. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”  
  
Kei scoffs a laugh at that. It sounded as if Tetsurou was slurring his words a little bit—and the use of his name? Well.  
  
“Are you drunk?”  
  
“Hm? No, of course not. Why would—okay, fine. I had a few drinks with Tooru but I’m not drunk.”  
  
“Okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Kuroo-san.”  
  
Kei haven’t realized how much he missed this, this easy banter they’ve always had. How he desperately wishes it can always be this way—and preferably when Tetsurou isn’t aided by alcohol.  
  
He asks about Tetsurou’s dad. He says he got a nurse to take care of him while he’s away. Tetsurou asks about Kei’s work and grad school. He says he took some time off and went home to Miyagi but he’s back in Tokyo now and he’s been doing okay. Tetsurou says he has heard he went back to Miyagi for a while and Kei wasn’t surprised at all to know he knows.  
  
“So, why did you call?”   
  
As much as Kei always enjoyed talking to Tetsurou, he keeps on thinking about how this, talking like everything is normal and the past months and the fall out never happened, is breaching some kind of boundary.  
  
“I was talking with Tooru today, right?” There is static on the other line as Tetsurou exhales. “He told me he wishes I could come home soon and…he’s right.”  
  
He was expecting a noncommittal response, like, he was bored or he wanted to complain about being overseas or about work, anything, but he sure as hell didn’t expect Testurou’s next words.  
  
“I miss home and you…you sound like home.”  
  
Kei is silent on the other line. There is no reaction save for the tightening hold he has on his phone.  
  
“Tetsurou, I—“  
  
“It’s fine. You don’t have to say anything. I just—yeah. I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay. It’s—it’s fine. Don’t apologize.”  
  
“No, I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s late here and you probably have work. I’m just—I’m gonna hang up now.”  
  
Kei swallows a lump in his throat. He takes a breath before speaking.  
  
“Okay. Rest well then and…have a safe flight back home.”  
  
The line ends and Kei tries his best to get on with his day, but the thought of Tetsurou and his words still lingers at the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to me. i'm nice and a little lonely lol  
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	8. things you said that i wish you hadn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Breaking up was a mistake. Can we please just get back together?"
> 
> "I wish it were that easy."

“Alright! Ready, set—Chug! Chug! Chug!”  
  
For Kei’s 26th birthday, they decided to throw him a surprise birthday party in the apartment he and Tetsurou used to share. As the night went on, the drunker and rowdier the people got, so, Tetsurou makes his way to the balcony to get some fresh air—and who should be there other than Kei himself.  
  
Okay, so, maybe Tetsurou saw him escaping to the balcony earlier that night just after a round of body shots and just as someone yelled they were starting a game of spin the bottle like they're a bunch of high schoolers. Kei always did okay at parties, but he tends to need space when things get rowdier.  
  
He finds Kei leaning against the balcony banisters. He's looking out the Tokyo skyline as he's halfway through a stick of cigarette.  
  
"I thought you quit?"  
  
Kei startles but settles down quickly when he saw who it was. He watches Tetsurou lean backwards on the bannister before his eyes fell on the stick between his fingers and shrugs.  
  
"It's a recurring habit."  
  
"Yeah? When did you pick it up again?"  
  
"When we—just a couple of months ago."  
  
Tetsurou didn't miss the pause and gets just what 'just a couple of months ago' meant. He reaches to pluck a stick for himself from the pack sticking out the front pocket of Kei's jacket. He motions for a light and bends down when Kei held up his lighter.  
  
"I thought you quit," Kei says tone teasing as he pockets his lighter.  
  
"Yeah, well," Tetsurou take a drag, exhales the smoke upwards. "It's a recurring habit."  
  
They stand there in silence for a while, smoking quietly. They finished their smoke just about the same time and when Kei reaches to light another one, Tetsurou asks for another as well.  
  
"Can I bum another one?"  
  
"If you're gonna return to smoking might as well buy your own. We're not in college anymore, Kuroo-san."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Just give me one last one."  
  
"That's what you always say."  
  
"And yet you still hand me one more stick all the time anyway."  
  
True to his words, Kei holds out his pack for Tetsurou to take another one, albeit begrudgingly. Tetsurou is aware of Kei's inability to deny him anything and he can't say he never took advantage of that. He thinks it's only fair considering the same condition applies to him when it comes to Kei.  
  
Kei lights his lighter and they both huddle in the little flickering fire to light their smokes. Tetsurou holds Kei's hand steady and if it lingers just for a second, even after his is lighted—well.  
  
He takes a quick drag before turning his eyes to watch Kei take a drag of his own.  
  
Kei always takes a long first drag. He hollows his cheeks and holds the smoke in, lets it travel down his lungs, eyes half lidded as he exhales it upwards, head thrown back exposing the long column of his neck. Tetsurou has alwasy thought it a sight to see. It's one of the reasons why it was sometimes so hard for him to convince Kei to quit smoking when he's treated to such a view every time Kei lights up one.  
  
"Party gotten too much for you?" Kei asks turning towards him. Tetsurou takes a drag to mask the blatant ogling he was doing prior.  
  
"Just needed some fresh air."  
  
"Fresh air you say?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. The irony isn't lost to me. Shut up." Tetsurou takes a drag, but coughs it up halfway to a laugh when he hears Kei snicker beside him. “So, what are you doing out here? It’s your birthday shouldn’t you be inside?”  
  
“Yeah, well. I needed a break and was itching for a smoke. You know the urge is stronger when I get a few drinks in.”  
  
Tetsurou tilts his head aside in agreement. Even he had to admit a smoke tastes better when you’re drinking. It’s something that they both share a liking to.  
  
“Listen,” Kei starts again, flicking off ashes from the stick on his hand. “Thanks…for this, the party.”  
  
“What are you talking about? I didn’t—“  
  
“Koutarou let it slip that you had a hand in it.”  
  
Damn Bokuto and his loud mouth. Tetsurou wonders why they still keep him on board when organizing surprise birthday parties.  
  
“You know, we really should kick Bokuto out of the surprise party committee.” Tetsurou jests, wagging his finger at Kei. “Really. It’s nothing. Don’t mention it. You’re my—our friend and god knows you wouldn’t do anything for your birthday, so we had to take it upon ourselves to celebrate the birth of the biggest nerd on this side of the world”  
  
Tetsurou expected Kei to parry back with ‘You’re the biggest nerd on this side of the world,’ but instead Kei just stays quiet, letting his cigarette burn itself.  
  
“Friend, huh,” Kei’s tone is wry as he looks at the Tokyo skyline. “Do people who are just friends call long distance in the middle of the night just to tell you they miss home and you sound like home?”  
  
Kei’s tone isn’t accusing, rather, it sounds kind of sad. He turns to face Tetsurou but is looking at anywhere but him.  
  
“Listen, Tetsurou, I know it’s been almost a year since we broke up, but I—“ he takes a shaky breath and Tetsurou dreads the weight behind his next words.  
  
"Breaking up was a mistake," Kei says and Tetsurou noticed he's started anxiously tangling his fingers, a habit he's never grown out of. "Can we—can we please just get back together?"  
  
And, oh, if only it were that easy, Tetsurou thinks. He really wishes things were just that easy, that they could just forget everything that happened, that they could just start over again or continue where they left off, but it's not. Choices were made and there are other things to consider. He doesn't think they're ready to go back to being in a relationship much less with each other and he knows Kei knows this too. Perhaps they really were the one for each other and maybe there is a chance they would get back together, but not now, not yet.  
  
"I wish it were that easy," he takes Kei's hands in his just like he did countless times before, untangling his fingers and tangling them with his own instead. "I wish it were."  
  
Kei lets out a shaky exhale and Tetsurou lets him rest his forehead on his shoulder.  
  
The party inside goes on raving and bright as Tetsurou silently holds Kei in a loose embrace and Kei clutches to him tightly by his jacket, a quiet last moment plea.  
  
"I should go," Tetsurou eventually says as he starts to pull away. He feels Kei slowly letting go of him, but Tetsurou holds his hands instead, a contrast to his words. He leans closer and in a whisper he says, "Happy birthday, moonshine," before placing one last lingering kiss on Kei's forehead.  
  
Tetsurou lets go of Kei and makes his way back inside. He crosses the apartment with the ease of someone who's lived there for years, gets his coat, and quietly leaves without looking back.  
  
On his way back to his place, he buys a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was i thinking of the scene in how i met your mother where lilly asked marshall to take her back? maybe so.
> 
> also, sorry for being slow with this. this is the last sad chapter. i think.  
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	9. things you said while we were driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thanks for always making us work, for always meeting me halfway.”
> 
> "Of course. Always."

The morning after Kuroo’s 28th birthday party, Bokuto and Akaashi are driving across town back to their place.   
  
It’s Bokuto who’s behind the wheel this time because Akaashi is currently incapacitated by a jackhammering headache.   
  
Meanwhile, Bokuto doesn’t even have a headache. He just belched really loud and rather disgustingly and it’s like he didn’t drink his body weight in tequila last night. Akaashi half finds it attractive as hell and half despises that about him. Asshole.  
  
They drive in silence because while Bokuto remains loud and enthusiastic as ever, age has mellowed him down and by now he knows when Akaashi needs quiet time. Besides, when you’ve been together for as long as they have, long silences are nothing.  
  
Akaashi sighs and Bokuto hums before asking, “Penny for your thoughts?”  
  
“It’s nothing. Don’t mind me.” Akaashi says as he presses his temple against the car’s window. “It’s just—“ he hesitates.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“It’s just…Kuroo-san and Tsukishima. They’re just—” another sigh, a vague hand gesture. “You know?”  
  
Bokuto smiles at Akaashi’s inability for words. He always found it mildly hilarious and incredible adorable, but also because he understands perfectly well what he means.  
  
“The’re just so…so…”  
  
“Frustrating?” Bokuto supplies as he makes a left.  
  
“Frustrating! Yes! Thank you.”  
  
Normally, Akaashi is the more articulate one, but he has a massive hangover from knocking back shot after shot after shot last night because he’s had to watch Kuroo and Tsukishima awkwardly dance around each other all night like they’re back in high school.  
  
“And the sexual tension?” Bokuto stops at a red light. “Sickening.”  
  
“Sickening.”  
  
“Sick-e-ning!” Bokuto exclaims just loud enough for emphasis, but not enough to worsen Akaashi’s headache. “They’re being total idiots about it.”  
  
Okay, so, maybe they’re being a little unfair on Kuroo and Tsukishima, a little judging, because they personally never had to go through such a rough patch. The hardest thing they could remember happening to them, besides the really long, long, _long_ years of pining, was Bokuto being drafted on the national team and Akaashi having to travel all the time for his concertos. They made it work though. They meet up every chance they get, follow the other to wherever they are if they could. Akaashi attends all of Bokuto’s games if he could and Bokuto sits through the whole of Akaashi’s concertos, even when he’s only ever interested when Akaashi is conducting or playing a solo. They meet halfway and they make it work.   
  
“They’re overthinking it. Way more than they normally do on things.”  
  
“You think?”   
  
“You know those two. They can get way into their heads way worse that you. They’re being cautious—too cautious. They probably wanna make sure they don’t screw up again so when—not if, but when” Bokuto wags a finger at Akaashi even as he doesn’t take his eyes off the road “—they do get back together, it’s gonna be for good.”  
  
A lazy smirk makes its way to Akaashi’s face. He runs a hand down Bokuto’s arm before bringing it up to lightly pinch his cheek. “Look at you. When did you get so insightful?”  
  
Bokuto lightly bats Akaashi’s hand. “Don’t worry, baby. It’s only because you’ve got a hangover. You’re usually the more insightful one.”  
  
“Oh, stop selling yourself short, Kou.”  
  
In retrospect, they do kind of have it easy. It took some time for them to get together, but at least they’ve had all their affairs in order by then. They’ve never had to choose between something else or each other and they weren’t as over thinkers and emotionally constipated as Kuroo and Tsukishima.   
  
“Hey, Kou?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I’m glad we took the time to sort ourselves out before we got together.” Akaashi moves to carefully place a kiss on Bokuto’s cheek. “And thanks for always making us work, for always meeting me halfway.”  
  
“Of course, ‘Kaashi. Always.” They stop at a red light again and Bokuto reaches to take Akaashi’s hand. “I could say the say for you.”  
  
Akaashi gives Bokuto’s hand a squeeze. “Do you think they’ll be okay?”  
  
“Kuroo and Tsukki? Eh, they’ll figure it out.”  
  
“You think so?”  
  
“I know so. They always do and they’re both smart.”  
  
“Yeah, but in this case they need to stop using their brains and start listening to their hearts.”  
  
It’s Bokuto’s turn to smirk. “I love it when you talk cheesy.” He steals a kiss just before the light turns green.   
  
“Only for you, you big goof.” Keiji laughs and winces when it triggers his headache. “So, brunch?”  
  
“Oh, god, yes. I’m starving." Bokuto foregoes turning to the exit going to their apartment and drives straight ahead. "Soul Food House?”  
  
“Soul Food House. Oh! Can we get the greasiest meal they got?”  
  
“Sure, baby. Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first bokuaka one shot. pls be very gentle i'm just babie  
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	10. things you said too quietly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What did you say?"
> 
> "I said," Tsukishima clears his throat, swallows. "I love you." He repeats, this time louder.

"You know what's the problem with you? You never say what you mean and you never mean what you say." This was what Yamaguchi said in the aftermath of a confrontation on their first summer camp in Tokyo. "I get that you're not good with words so you tend to mix up the things you mean to say with the mean shit you don't really mean but not everyone is gonna get that. I mean, I get it, but that's because I'm your best friend. Not everyone has that ability. You know what, I should actually put that down as a skill on my resume."

Half a year later, after the brief and very confusing time when he and Kageyama somehow, despite all logic, got together and subsequently broken up after just a couple of months, this is the same thing Kageyama said to him.

"I never really knew where I stand with you. I mean, I know there was a point where we thought this was okay and right, but we also both know it wouldn't last." Kageyama said in the wake of the break up and after he and Hinata got together. There were no hard feelings on his and Tsukishima's part. "It's just—sometimes you made me feel like we're just fooling around, but sometimes you also made me feel like there could be something more and I was just—never sure, you know?"

And perhaps he never quite outgrew it, this inability to speak himself, never learned to say the right words to say at the right moment, never learned to say the words needed when it matters.

Tsukishima thinks, this was also the case with Kuroo.

It's the evening after Kuroo's birthday party. Tsukishima stayed for the day because he didn't have anyone to bum a ride home after everyone else already left and he's too hungover to get himself home. After helping clean up Tetsurou's place, he offered to walk Tsukishima back to his apartment.  
The conversation is light as they walked. Kuroo laughs loud and hard at a remark Kei said about Bokuto's ability to drink everyone under the table.

"It's the truth." Tsukishima mumbles as he buries half his face under his scarf. "I don't know why you're laughing so hard. It's not even that funny."

"Oh, Kei. I've always found your quips hilarious. I like your dry sense of humor. It's one of the things I love about you."

Tsukishima stops walking.

In the course of their relationship, Kuroo has always been the more vocal one while Tsukishima communicates more through actions. Kuroo knows this, understands this about him, but he knows sometimes it's important to say the words too, for Kuroo to hear them, even if it was obvious.

Still, Tsukishima, perhaps took that for granted and just always assumed Kuroo knows. After all, he's always been good at reading Tsukishima.

And the thing is, Tsukishima loved Kuroo. He's loved him since his final year in Karasuno, when Kuroo, despite being in the middle of college finals, got on a train to Miyagi after Karasuno lost and failed to get to the finals at Nationals and showed up at Tsukishima's doorstep just to check and see how he's doing.

Tsukishima loved Kuroo with all his heart. He loved him with all his being and with all the ways he knew how. He still does—but he's always thought that maybe that's not enough. Maybe the problem was he didn't say it more and never loud enough.

And now, standing under a cold November night, Tsukishima utters the words he should've been saying when he still had the right.

Kuroo stops a couple of steps ahead. His laugh dies abruptly as he turns back to Tsukishima.

"What did you say?"

Tsukishima flinches. He really is bad at saying the right words at the right time. And now he's got the penchant for saying the words he neither knows are right at the most inconvenient of times, but he trudged on.

"I said," Tsukishima clears his throat, swallows. "I love you." He repeats, this time louder.

Kuroo narrows his eyes at him.

"Are you just saying this because Christmas is coming and you needed a date? Kei—"

"You know that's not the case." Tsukishima sigh, starts walking again so he stands just in front of Kuroo. "Plus, between you and me, you're the more likely one to do that. You've always been a sucker for couple-y holiday."

"Are you saying I'd resolve to cheap tricks to get a date for Christmas? Tsukishima Kei, how dare you—"

Tsukishima recognizes Kuroo's way of using humor and jokes to deflect from the current matter at hand. While he appreciates its charm and the way it takes the tension off of their current situation, he really needs to tell Kuroo.

"Tetsurou, I love you." He takes Kuroo's hand in his. "I never stopped."

"Kei—" Kuroo sighs, but he doesn't take back his hand. "Kei, please don't do this. Don't do this right now. You know why we— There's a reason we—"

"Tetsurou." Tsukishima tries again. "I said I love you." He squeezes Kuroo's hand. "I'm saying I still love you. I just need to know if you feel the same way. If you _still_ feel the same way. Do you still love me?"

Tsukishima knows the answer, but he still holds his breath.

"Of course, I do. You'll always have a special place in my heart. I mean, you—you're Kei."

"You know what I mean. Do you love me? Still? The way I love you?"

Kuroo sighs.

"What kind of a question even is that?" His smile is wry. "Of course, I still love you, idiot. I don't think I ever stopped and I don't think I can."

"Then what?" Tsukishima asks, tone getting a little desperate. "What's stopping you then?"

_From getting back with me? What's stopping us from getting back together?_

"Why can't we just start over and—"

"Because I'm scared, okay?" Kuroo finally lashes out, snatches his hands away from Tsukishima. " I'm just...scared."

Scared to screw things up again. Scared to cross the line again. Scared of ruining their progress and whatever semblance of normal and peace they have right now. They just started being friends again. What if they take the leap and don't make it? They can't possibly go back from there. It'll just prove that they really aren't meant to be together and Kuroo isn't sure he wants to know the answer to that.

"You're scared?" Tsukishima scoffs. "What, you think I'm not? For heaven's sake, Tetsurou, between you and me, you're the more emotionally stable one! I basically have the emotional range of a rock!"

"See? You said it yourself. And, what, you think I know what I'm doing? You think I'm always in control? Of course not!"

"I'm just saying! You're more well-adjusted than I am!"

"Stop saying that! I'm really no better than you having the emotional range of a rock!"

"Well, then, okay! We both have the emotional range of a rock! Now, we're even! Can't we just go from there?!"

Kuroo and Tsukishima are both breathing heavily from shouting. It's a good thing they're beside a busy highway, it's late, and nobody is out on the sidewalk to hear their shouting match

"Listen," Tsukishima starts again. "I'm scared shitless just like you—"

"Doesn't seem like that at all with the way you kept—"

"Let me finish and listen." Tsukishima interrupts. "I'm as scared shitless as you are to try again, but I'm even more scared to wake up one day thinking about what could have happened if we did and regret that we didn't."

No one said anything for a while. They just stared at each other, daring the other to back down first.

And as always, when it comes to Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo is the first to cave in.

He lets out a growl and a shout as he threw his head back.

"Fine!" He shouts and marches right back in front of Tsukishima. "Fine. Fine!" He grabs Tsukishima by the hand pulling him beside him and continuing their walk to his apartment. "But if this ends up blowing up in our faces—if getting back together ends up—oh my god, Kei. If this ends up blowing up in our faces—"

Tsukishima pulls them to a stop and swiftly turns to kiss Kuroo and shut him up.

"We'll do better." He says before leaning in for another short kiss. He intertwines their fingers and gives it a firm squeeze. "We'll make it work. This time we'll make it work."

"I love you. I never stopped. You know that right?"

Tsukishima smiles and says the words back. Louder this time.

"Of course. I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short (and maybe a little rushed?) but i hope you guys still enjoy!
> 
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	11. things you said when i was crying [kuroo]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Man, you really are an ugly crier.” 
> 
> “Shut up. You’re an ugly crier.”

Sniffling could be heard as a movie Tsukishima has long lost interest in continued to play in Kuroo’s shitty old beaten up laptop.

It’s a Saturday and Kuroo is over at Tsukishima’s place, the one they previously shared, for movie nights. Tsukishima tried to convince him to just plug it on the TV, but Kuroo was adamant that they watch it on his laptop because it makes him “nostalgic about the old days.”

The old days, meaning when they were in college, shared a matchbox size dorm room, and would cram themselves in their two single beds pushed up together so they could cuddle while watching the current series they’re in to.

So that’s what they’re doing now. They’ve positioned themselves on Tsukishima’s bed with Tsukishima spooning Kuroo from behind. Some Netflix rom-com chick flick or other is playing on Kuroo’s laptop that Tsukishima doesn’t even remember the title of, let alone managed to pay attention before the movie even reached halfway. It’s fine though, because Kuroo’s warmth, the smell of his hair, and the dull sounds coming from the movie gently lulling him into a half-asleep state.

It wasn’t until Kuroo started sniffling that Tsukishima got snapped out of his half-conscious state.

He feels drops of wetness on his arm Kuroo’s head is laid and he frowns, lightly lifting himself up to check up on him.

“Hey, hey, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Kuroo turns to him, sniffing massively and wiping his tears with the heel of his palms.

“It’s just,” a sniff. “They’ve been together for so long and they were fated, Kei, they were fated but then he—he—” another sniff. “He forgot about him, Kei! He got in an accident and when he woke up, he forgot about his lover!”

Kuroo goes back to full on sniffling and tearing up. Tsukishima blinks for a couple of seconds, trying to process the fact that Kuroo is bawling over a movie, as he mechanically reaches out for the box of tissues by the bedside drawer to offer it to his ridiculous lover.

The movie plays on and Kuroo is still sad, so Tsukishima pulls him against him, wraps him with his arms, tucks his head under his chin, and lets him cry it out as he runs his hand through his hair.

Sometimes this happens. Sometimes Kuroo gets too into a movie (the same way Tsukishima gets too into his documentaries and dinosaur movies—and okay, fine, he cried for days over the first Land Before Time movie, but it was really sad, okay? Littlefoot’s mom died!), gets sad, and Tsukishima will be the one handing him tissues and telling him “there, there, they’ll get their happy ending” all while fondly scoffing at how ridiculous he’s being over a fictional movie.

At least Tsukishima cries about real things—like global warming and the irreversible effects of climate change.

“Man,” Tsukishima sighs. “You really are an ugly crier,” he says tone fond.

Kuroo lightly slaps him in the stomach as Tsukishima laughs and holds out another tissue for Kuroo to blow his nose on.

“Shut up. You’re an ugly crier.”

“That’s not what you said before.”

“Yeah, I only say that every time you have a shitty day or when you’re actually sad. But you know whenever we watch documentaries and you’re drunk crying over the extinction of bees or whatever nerd shit? Yeah. All snot and hideous sobbing.”

Kei scoffs out a laugh, slapping Kuroo on the arm. “How dare you! You make it sound like I cry about documentaries all the time and that’s just not true! And for the record, asshole, you’re a nerd too, and you cried over that googly eyed octopus the scientists were laughing because you said ‘it has feelings’!”

“Well, it does!”

“You weren’t even drunk. At least I only cry over stupid shit when I’m drunk.”

“Ahah! Please! I can name a number of stupid shit you cried over sober.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Last Day of the Dinosaurs.”

“Okay, first of all, the extinction of the dinosaurs  _is the biggest_ tragedy the world has known.”

“World hunger and some parts of the world are at war, but okay, sure, dinosaur extinction is world’s biggest tragedy.”

They continue to banter like that, the movie forgotten as it plays in the background.

Tsukishima is half laughing and smirking throughout as Kuroo couldn’t keep the smile off his face as they count all the times they cried about some stupid shit or other. Tsukishima is slowly advancing and looming over Kuroo obviously going for a kiss when Kuroo’s attention snaps back to the screen at the ending scenes. He pushes Tsukishima away complaining about missing the movie because Tsukishima distracted him.

“Well, it’s the end anyway. Might as well let yourself be distracted all the way.”

Tsukishima leans again, but Kuroo blocks him.

“Wait. I wanna see the ending at least. Keep it in your pants for a sec will you?”

Tsukishima’s jaw involuntarily dropped. In the time that they’ve been together, he never thought that he would ever hear Kuroo tell him to “keep it in his pants”. Usually it was him who’s always raring to go.

“Wow. Okay, well, that put me off the mood.”

“No, wait! There, the ending credits just rolled.” Kuroo closes his laptop and puts in on the floor. “Now, where were we?”

“Nowhere because I’ve kept it in my pants now and I’m no longer in the mood.”

Tsukishima turns to his side and makes to look like he’s sleeping.

“Noooo. Keeeeiii! Don’t be like this c’mon!” Kuroo whines, coaxing Tsukishima to turn back.

He didn’t have to work too hard as Tsukishima turns to his back easily and let’s Kuroo straddle him. Kuroo leans down for a kiss and Tsukishima smiles into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, i'm slow on the updates. sorry. irl stuff ya kno? anyway, last 2 chapters for this one 
> 
> talk to me!!! i'm sad!!! and lonely!! but i'm nice!!  
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>  [BTS Twitter](https://twitter.com/yoonigii)


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